I can’t believe they said that”, you think. Or “I CANNOT handle ONE MORE THING”.
Your ears are hot. Your cheeks are burning. And you’re either going to scream, or cry, or maybe both. You’re SMOKING mad (is there smoke coming out of my ears? Because it feels like it).
The rage is built so high you can feel pressure in your chest.
That moment has arrived. You’re about to lose it.
TrueveLab Truth
I feel you, sister. We’ve all BEEN THERE. Some days, it feels like we are living there.
But the more we try to, “power through”, the worse we become. And when emotions are at an intensity level 8, it is close to impossible to have the cognitive + executive function, the empathy, or the problem solving skills to actually FIGURE OUT what the &#^$ to do (because, well, neuroscience and how your brain works on stress, burnout, and frustration).
So, think of this as your “break in case of emergency” toolkit – your ride-or-die guide for what to do when you’re about to say something you’ll regret. Your secret (silent) escort back to your amazing, creative, problem-solving, trouble-shooting, badass, not-throwing-someone-in-a-lake, self.
P.S. – have you taken our Burnout study? If not, learn more about it, right here!
When you're about to lose it
15-second fixes
- Square breathing – inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, release for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds. Repeat.
- See the duality: When someone is angering us we see them one-dimensionally – solely as an irritating / frustrating / awful, no-good-very-bad person. It’s quite possible the person irritating you is indeed frustrating, repetitive, and condescending at that moment – AND AT THE SAME TIME is ALSO your loved one who just did that super-nice thing for you an hour ago. It’s conceivable complexity, right? And if you take 5 seconds to remind yourself what you LIKE about this person or 1 nice thing they did recently, it will help diffuse the situation and let you problem-solve.
- Ask yourself, “what is the one thing I’m grateful for, right now”. Even if you can’t think of anything (because that happens), just the question can change your frame of thinking. Pivot your energy to unearth appreciation.
10-minute fixes
- Pour yourself some green tea (or something energizing besides diet soda or coffee or celery juice), and sip quietly for 2 minutes.
- Call a friend to share your feelings. They can help cast your perspective on to a more objective course, and trouble-shoot. Or maybe they’ll just help you find the humor in the ridiculousness of the situation. Because you can’t laugh and punch someone at the same time.
30-minute FIXES
- Go for a walk. Call a friend while you’re on it. Or don’t. Just listen to the noise, the sound of your breath, or your heart beating loudly-in-your-chest-because-you-want-to-strangle-someone, until it softens.
- Go exercise: go for a run. Do an exercise workout on youtube or an app. Just do pushups. This is my lifeline when I’m about to lose it (or if I already did, but want to turn things around). After about 5 minutes, I’m calmer, have more empathy, and am better able to go back and handle it.
- Do something utterly self-indulgent. Leave the family (with a responsible adult) to figure out dinner while you go for a walk. Pour yourself a glass of sparkling water…or wine… and go outside and read a book or rest. Indulge in a food that elicits endorphins. Like flourless chocolate cake. Book that pedicure or massage. Do something for YOU, and you’ll be far more capable of handling everyone else.
- Do something utterly altruistic. Sometimes the best way to feel better is performing an unplanned and even arbitrary act of kindness. Hold the door. Pay for the coffee of the person in the car line behind you. Because the best way to stop worrying about your own frustrations, is to help someone else with theirs.
Everyone has these days. But TrueveLab is with you – and we’ve got your back.
All my LOVE,
- Dr. Darria
P.S. What other Q’s do you have for the TrueveLab? Submit them here for us to answer in future TrueveLab Reports!
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